Finding a New Dream

My daughter has been wanting a horseback ride for a long time.  We don’t have a ton of money laying around, so she doesn’t get much in terms of an allowance, but at one point, was saving for a horseback ride.  She ended up only saving $10, which was enough for a ride at the Farmer’s Market.  She loved it and couldn’t wait to go again.

When we were deciding to take a trip around the country (next year), I realized we needed to do some stuff now.  For instance, we needed to take a trip. I love trips. I especially love them with my husband. I called him “Vacation Adam” because he was his best version of himself on vacations. We planned all our trips around his running and as long as he got to run, and got to shower, he didn’t care about the rest of the time. At home, he was always stressed about something, or watching sports to relax him (which I hate). My point is, my favorite part of vacations were him. He was the icing to my cake.

I knew I had to take a trip, to break myself into vacations. I love them, but to take one without Adam would be hard. I decided to take the kids up to one of my favorite spots called “Sweetwater Lake” near Gypsum, Colorado in the Autumn. This place is remote and beautiful. Which is why I love it. There isn’t much to do except fishing, hiking, and horseback riding, and we don’t fish or have a horse. It’s always the best place for me to get all my reading or Bible study homework done.

So we went up, and I scheduled a horseback ride for the family. I scheduled a half day trip to look at the leaves in a way we’d never done before, which was a luxury, but I felt like the family really needed that. Plus I wanted us to start our new adventures and I wanted to spoil us a little since we were taking our first trip without Adam.

We got fitted on our horses and set out. My daughter screamed and cried the whole time. I kept telling her that this was her dream and we were doing it for her. She didn’t care. She was scared and decided this was no longer her dream. I was crying in my head at the time because I couldn’t think of anything except Adam. The cowboy leading us was a little annoyed with her and finally when we got to the first stop, suggested that we turn around. I really wanted this adventure for the kids, but I decided that if I had to find a new dream, she would have to, also.

By the time we got back, she was enjoying herself and was a little bummed that we turned back soon, but we were able to get the price of the 1 hour trip, rather than the 4 hour trip, which was better on the pocketbook.

I get so caught up on what I’m supposed to do, and dreams and plans I’ve made, but the truth is, life is fluid and you have to make a new dream for yourself, sometimes on a daily basis. We’ll take another horseback ride sometime, and this time she’ll love it.  But I don’t think it’s still a dream for her anymore, she accomplished her dream and can enjoy it, but she can make for herself a new dream now. I married my college sweetheart. I had a job I loved and eventually quit it to raise my kids and homeschool them. Although all of their problems and issues are apparently my fault, I had my dream…if for only a little while. Quite frankly when my mom died 10 years ago, I realized I’d never get 100% of my dream.  No, I won’t grow old with my husband. I’ll never be that person who has been married for 50 years.  But there are new dreams out there for me, and God knows what they are and he even gives some of them to me. I don’t know where I’ll be at in 3 years, but I have a new dream, for now.