Day 4 – Resurrection Day!
I was looking forward to this for a few months because I knew we’d be celebrating Easter Sunrise Service at the Grand Canyon. We’d have to wake up early, but it would be worth it.
I had to get up at 4:15 – that’s a big deal for me, I don’t usually get up before 6, but can if I need to, but the last time I was up at 4:15 was probably for one of Adam’s races.
I was exhausted from driving for 3 days, and not getting enough sleep, especially this night. We made it to the service and it was beautiful. Not a lot of singing modern songs, but I guess that’s normal. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to bring my super awesome CD I made of “Jesus’ Resurrection” songs.
Everyone was tired and still cranky from the day before. No one (except me) wanted anything to do with the Grand Canyon. I told them we needed to do the bus loop. When we got to the hike part, I wanted to hike. I had already told them I wanted to hike because I didn’t as a child because I only went where my mom went, and she wasn’t a hiker.
One child was willing to hike with me, well, actually 2 if you include the child who goes with me wherever I went like I did with my mom. The other child was very cranky. Long story short, the hike didn’t happen and I blamed my child (why, oh why can’t I let things slip off my back). We finished up the Grand Canyon by 9:30 am (I mean, we’d been there a couple hours yesterday, and we’d been here since 5:30)
We drove for a long time (but not too long) and when I wanted to stop, this child didn’t want to since it wasn’t actually California yet. Ughh! So I continued on. By the time we got into California, we were all tired, cranky, and hot. The air conditioner didn’t seem to be working very well and I’m not sure how much that has to do with the fact that it was 95 degrees in Needles, CA (home of Spike, Snoopy’s brother – their claim to fame apparently). PS after spending the night with the air conditioning on, it worked just fine – it must be because the city & RV cab was so hot.
It was going to be another night dry camping, but there were no Walmarts around that allowed that, and plus, I needed an Electrical hookup. Oh yeah, and I desperately needed a shower since I’d missed it the night before. My daughter desperately needed water (she’s part mermaid, so her tail might fall off) and my son needed electronics. So I decided I was desperate enough to pay for a night, which we did. Again, Flexibility!
My daughters and I got in a swim (and hot tub soak, which although it was super hot, my muscles needed), and my son got some time to do homework on the computer… but then…
Long story short, big explosion, giant fight, crankiness came to a head. It was so bad I said we’d probably have to turn around, and I wasn’t embellishing. I didn’t know what to do. All the questions I’ve been asking myself over the last year came rushing back. How do you give up on a dream that you truly believe is what you should be doing? Why can’t I seem to have a happy family (especially like all those dang happy families at the Grand Canyon)? Is it really too late to fix my family? Is one of my children just gone forever? Am I not loved?
I haven’t asked these questions too much in awhile, and I also haven’t yelled (screamed) at my kids in awhile. But here they were. In the end, I thought about what I’d learned in counseling, and tried to recreate what we’d spoken about and spoke with my children. We talked, we forgave, we are so not perfect and certainly didn’t make up perfectly. Apparently sometimes we have to blow up and make everyone question ourselves just to release the pressure that has built up…. but we didn’t turn around (yet).