Stretching…..

So the last six months have been a lot of stretching, that I was not really ready for. I’ve read, that the first year after loss is a year of survival and the year after that is in many ways harder because it’s a year of starting over. Facing your life without your loved one, coming to terms with a new life. Getting a job, putting the kids in school (for someone like me). Basically a huge life flip.

I skipped over that second year so we could travel. There was a lot of pain in that year and more stretching, but what I wasn’t prepared for entering my third year without Adam and coming home was that I hadn’t skipped the second year. It was right here waiting for me. We didn’t skip it, we paused it.

The first few months were getting used to our life again, we got a roommate, the kids did summer activities, and I looked for a job. Didn’t find one, apparently being awesome at so many things doesn’t matter because I lack work history – the appropriate work history that people are looking for. Plus I wasn’t positive what I even wanted to do, which was how it was when I first joined the workforce twenty years ago.

It was a tough summer of feeling like a failure, no one wanted me (even though I am amazing and can do a lot of amazing things (no one understands how hard it is to homeschool your kids and how many skills that takes)). Knowing I had to do something with my life but having no direction. It was a hard summer.

I eventually looked into substitute teaching and that led me to a position that came open at the kids’ part-time school teaching (you only need a degree and pass the teachers test since it’s a part-time school). It was perfect because it was not only the exact days I needed to work, but the exact hours and the exact location.

It’s seven very different classes (STEAM, Coding, Robotics, Drama, Spanish, Tech, and PE) and the kids range in ages and abilities. Having never formally taught this has been difficult. I’m only just now getting into a rhythm with this.

I had to get used to having Harmony in school full-time, which was very hard because you have to get your kid to school every day AND make sure they do homework. For those of you who think homeschooling is hard, having your kids in school is equally as hard! I also had to get used to working and quickly coming up with a plan of what I’d be teaching throughout the year.

In the meantime, I’ve started formulating a plan for my life and (sometimes) I think I have a direction now, although it’s going to take a lot of work to learn.

Things have been tough. Finding myself (and still looking) has been the hardest. My kids, going off and starting a new life themselves with more freedom than ever has been hard. We aren’t the family we used to be, at home and together anymore. That’s a huge loss. Plus my dog broke his leg and it cost thousands of dollars so that kind of sucked and he’s not allowed to move for the next two months -he’s going stir crazy and it’s only been a few days.

Life has been tough lately. I have to walk through this and I don’t know how long this will be. Hopefully I’ll have some of it figured out in the next couple years.

Blessings – Although I’m currently not enjoying life, I can’t help but see all the blessings out there:

• The job I got has the perfect hours and location.
• Numerous friends and relatives who’ve helped with carpools, broken vehicles, meals (during my minor surgery), and so many other things.
• At least one of my children seems to like me.
• My dog didn’t need to get his leg amputated or have to be put down.
• I still have SOME time – not much, but some.
• Life is moving slowly, one step at a time, one day at a time. The future may be murky, but I live in one of the most beautiful places in America (I should know) and there’s usually a sunset.

Harmony’s Corner

So guys, since we have been back a LOT of crazy things have happened. (Especially for my mom and I.) So guys let’s get started.

First of all, the most CRAZIEST thing has happened. You know how I have been homeschooled my entire life? Well… I go to real school now. The specific school name is called Faith Christian Academy. Or for short, FCA. It is a pretty famous school and a LOT of kids go there. Well it is absolutely CRAZY there. I am not use to this at all. Not one tiny bit. So basically, I have homework every single night. Not only that, but now I have school 5 DAYS OF SCHOOL A WEEK! Reading homework is SOO stressful. We have three teachers.

So I played Fall ball this year. You know it was pretty fun. I had never ever ever EVER played it before. So next year is going to be my 5th season.

Now for violin, I am going to have my recital! Whooh! Who knew it would take over 2 years to play 17 songs. But, who cares?! I still love it so much!!